Some days I wear leggings, other days jeans, but today I enjoyed the rare comfort of sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt. From American Eagle to Abercrombie & Fitch, I reserve pajamas and sweats for chores and prepping for a home visit. In these moments, I remind myself that sweatpants mean I’m an overworked mum getting things done, not lazy or unstylish.
While I work through my house, one level at a time, in my comfortable AF sweat pants, I am reminded of how neat and tidy I really am.
But the biggest lesson I’ve learned as I clean is that I am too hard on myself.
There was no need for me to assume that I was incredibly filthy. In fact, it only took me an hour to complete two bathrooms, the upstairs loft, my bedroom, the living room and kitchen. Or even that I needed to constantly clean the house!
Small victory!
It’s raining outside, and usually I’d be commuting into the city.
Today, though, I’m off work—free, but still busy at home.
As a single mum, I have to use my time wisely. Between grocery shopping and spending time with my youngest, I have to make sure that I am giving my all.
But what about myself?-the single mum?
I was having a conversation with a client who happens to be a therapist, and she asked me that very question.
Are you doing anything for yourself? Are you making friends? Are you visiting parks or venturing outside?
The answer to all of that is a resounding no.
Aside from getting the occasional boxed hair dye, diva on a budget, I don’t do much for myself.
My life was built on being independent and able to explore when I wanted.
All of that changed when I became a mother.
Often, I would hear friends who were married say, “I want to live my own life.” At the time, I thought that was strange because once married, you became part of a half. So how on earth could you live your own life?
The epiphany that came to me was that I didn’t know how to “live my own life”. I had a brief window in college, but I never ventured out to explore what would make me happy outside of writing and reading.
Which is fine.
In doing this over the years, I am finding my mental health is taking a toll.
While I would do anything for my children, I am beginning to find resentment creeping in, and that isn’t fair to them.
Back to my friend, who encouraged me to put on a pair of sweats and realize that I don’t have to do everything, right now, and I’ve accomplished so much on my own, I decided to do something bold, something that would take me out of my comfort zone.
And then I chickened out.
A Gentle Hug
The next time she and I had an appointment, she brought me flowers. I can not tell you what that simple gift did to me, to my soul. I felt a wave of emotions I’d never felt before, and above all, I felt seen.
Surprisingly, the one thing that really makes you feel whole again is knowing that someone else out there is rooting for you.
Hardly anyone brings me flowers; in fact, I can count on one hand the times I received them, so of course, whenever I get them, I feel incredibly special.
What she did was provide me with the faith in myself, and to be kind. And to wear those sweats with the utmost pride.
Very incredible what a bouquet can do for your spirit.
FYI: unlike in the States, I’ve seen regular customers purchasing flowers from flower shops and flower vendors in the open markets. The French embrace luxury, but mostly the finer things in life. Such as buying themselves a bouquet of flowers.
My day in the life message to you is this: when you’re feeling as though the world sucks, or that you’re in need of reassurance, buy or pick flowers from your garden and make yourself a bouquet.
Try not to worry about the quantity; one is often the ticket. Especially when your son rushes out into the rain to pick the last blooming rose for you, while you’re getting ready.
Now it’s your turn to put on those sweats, dance around to Lady Gaga, and give yourself the grace you’ve been denied, and most importantly, do whatever your heart desires.
Until next time,
Christina
